Why City Folk Shouldn't Move To The Kuntry

You just gotta wonder 'bout some city folk. They need some learnin' for sure. Possums be dinner...not pets! Silly slickers...


POSSUM STEW

Ingredients: lime juice, taters, unions, carrots, mushrooms, bacon, hot peppa pods, salt.

Put water in Ma’s caldron, bring to boil over a fire. Add a cup o lime juice. Drop in the possum and scald quickly. Pull off hair whilst hot. Scrape well, remove feet, tail n innards like you would a hog. Cut off ears, remove eyes n head if dezired.

Put cleaned possum in Granny’s kettle, add water n vejeetables. Simmer over low fire for bout 3 hours until meat pulls off the bone. Pull out the carcass n give to the cats. Toss in hot peppa pods, sprinkle salt. Serve with fried bacon when Pa gets home.

Pa's Kuntry Wizdom

The chilluns sez that Pa be kuntry smart. He's got filosofies 'bout life that done served him well. To be sure, he ain't no Solomon, but his wizdom does bear a reflection of the ol' king's ponderins. Here be a samplin' of what be on Pa's mind...his top 20 ruminations. This be set out here for the yungins Katie n Cassie as they be lookin' to make their way in the world. They also be savvy words for anyone wantin' to do just like Pa.


1. If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishin' poles.

2. Kissin' a mule will cure a cold.

3. Puttin' grease from the church bell in yore ears will helps you here better.

4. To sleep better, put yore boots under the bed with the toes pointed toward the nearest wall.

5. Always make cider in clear weather with a west wind.

6. Keep skunks n bankers at a distance.

7. Life is simpler when you plow 'round the stumps.

8. A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

9. Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

10. Meanness don't happen overnight.

11. To know how kuntry folks are doin', look at thar barns, not thar houses.

12. Forgive your enemies. It messes with thar heads.

13. Two can live as cheep as one, if one don't eat.

14. Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers n weeds.

15. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

16. Don't go huntin' with a fella named Chug-A-Lug.

17. Every path has some puddles.

18. Lazy n Quarrelsome is ugly sisters.

19. When speakin', make sure yer talk be an improovment over silence.

20. It is what it is, ain't nuttin' more. Deal with it, then move on.

Nuff said...

Fast Food

The chilluns tell us about McDonalds n Burger King n Taco Bell n they says to us that it be tasty vittles cooked at lightnin' speed. That all be fine n good, but Ma taught us all a lesson about what real fast food is. Used to be that Pa would go for days on end into the big woods in search of critters. Brung his gun to shoots 'em. Everbody a waited his comin' home with possum or bear.

Well...Ma done showed up Pa on huntin' the other night. She went for a ride in the buggy n set her sights on a big ol' buck. She hit him at 55 miles per hour. Now that's what we calls Fast Food! Did a bit 'o damage to the buggy, but the venison was deeelishus. Not even Subway can match smoked deer meet on hot biscuits!

Schoolin'

We be feelin' a little nostalgic these days, what with our girls bein' off at finishin' school n all. They be leavin' the nest and testin' their wings. Course they flutter back now n again. Katie n Cassie done had a good upbringin' as well as a good education as we learned 'em their ABC's along with cipherin' n such.

We pulled out the picture book to remember younger days. Lo n behold, there was the lasses a grinnin' as they headed out to their first day of schoolin'. Two little tow heads with book packs strapped to their backs.

Now our beauties be gettin' their higher education at some big state braineries. Charm, etiquette n social graces be some of the topics under consideration along with book learnin'. Seems they both be pullin' downs A's in all things 'ceptin the washin'. Whenever they get the inklin' to head home, they brings their baskets of dirty laundry with 'em. Ma has to show 'em all over again how to scrub n slap them clothes against the washin' rock.

Nowadays when they heads out to their new alma maters, they don't strap on the packs but haul away suitcases n furniture along with some of Ma's pickles from the pantry.

That's My Boy!

Move over Red Grange. Here comes the next big competitor. We gots to admit that it ain't log choppin', but tis beguilin' what these modern kids do. Caleb done bounced a ball and threw it around. Next week he donned some fancy tights then tossed 'n rolled another youngin' round a big mat. Pa used to do the same, but in the mud with hogs. Got blue ribbons for his efforts. Perhaps our boy done be on his way to competin' for champeenships hisself. In the meantimes, me 'n Pa will be his athletic supporters...